Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
