I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
