It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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