In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
