I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Houston, we have a squirter
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
