He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
