In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
