All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
