I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
