so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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