What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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