he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
