just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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