Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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