fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
