I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
