She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
