there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
