I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
