I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
