Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
