how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
