Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
