Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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