I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
