you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
