I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
