Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
