Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
