cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
