brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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