Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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