wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
