I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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