YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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