I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
