oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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