I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
