my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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