THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
