Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
