I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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