first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
