I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
