we have pet lesbian snakes
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have demons in me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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