I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
