And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
