I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
