You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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