I'm eating all of the evidence.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
