Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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