Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
