I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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