Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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