xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You left your phone here
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