Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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