roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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