dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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