im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need moral support for this bender
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry about my life...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
